Ashamed

  Tonight we had our friends over.. The Espinozas. They are the closest friends we have here at bragg. The Espinozas are having a baby near the end of December, She got pregnant 2 months after I did. So we kinda had that incommon.. we could talk about how the pregnancy was kicking our butts.. or "have you felt him/her kick yet?"
Just simple things like that. As soon as I lost my son.. I had Jealousy towards all pregnant women, I didn't want to see them.. talk to them.. I didn't want them around me.. plain and simple. & you could tell that I didn't like you if you approached me. It has been close to 4 months since we lost Easton.. and I have now just realized how selfish and immature I were to be like that.. But then again, I guess that was a stage of grieving. Don't get me wrong, I do feel jealousy.. and wish I still had my big tummy.. I wish I could feel Easton kick. But being that way doesn't get me any where.
No mom & dad should have to go through what we went through. I know Chad & I will be blessed again, God works in Mysterious ways. With Eastons death it has open my eyes more to God, I wouldn't have made it this far if God wasn't with me every step in grieving.



Kisses & Hugs
Hannah